Drano

Okay, so....a few hours later and I'm already feeling better. I received what my best friend has coined "God drano." I had a lot of yuckiness clogging me up and a quick quiet time has drained some of it out. I still feel stressed, but I'm looking at things from a different angle now. So much better.

A video emailed to me from the aforementioned Best Friend started the drano. It's a video of Sarah Groves talking about a pivotal time in her career when God gave her some encouragement. The Scriptures that encouraged her, and in turn have also encouraged me are:

"But you, O Israel, my servant, Jacob, whom I have chosen, you descendants of Abraham my friend, I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. I said, 'You are my servant; I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. All who rage against you will surely be ashamed and disgraced; those who oppose you will be as nothing and perish. Though you search for your enemies, you will not find them. Those who wage war against you will be as nothing at all. For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." Isaiah 41:8-13

I've been humbled from my crankiness from earlier. My best friend and God helped me understand that it's not pessimism, but preparing for the worst and that has to be done in the situation going on in our lives right now. It's hard, but God is with us, He is on our side.

One victory I've realized today: I'm not depressed and anxious about the kinds of things I was depressed and anxious about before going in the hospital. Before being hospitalized, I was depressed and anxious about the things I want in my life and don't have. And more specifically, I would always be so scared of what other people were thinking of me. I was scared of judgement and rejection. I couldn't care less about those things now! I've got bigger things to worry about. But it's not just that they're bigger things to worry about, but real things to worry about. I'm now experiencing real sadness, grief and stress. It's not manufactured from chemical imbalances in my brain.

Therefore, although my situation definitely sucks, it's comforting that I'm mostly responding in a healthy way, in a way mentally healthy people would respond.