I'm Breathing Again

God is so good!

I am right now at a Starbucks in Peterborough. I had to write an assessment at school for exemption from a course and now just killing time before I move my stuff into my new home.

I have been on tenterhooks waiting for my school funding to come through. I had no idea if I was accepted or what. And classes start Monday.

Last night I had been writing in my journal about how painful this waiting has been. I felt so scared and worthless. On top of that I was lashing out at people in my stress. My threshold for any added stress was so low. And then I would feel guilty about being so grumpy and bitchy. I've been a real treat.

I wrote a plea to God in my journal last night. I said, "Please God let me know about the second career stuff tomorrow for the sake of my sanity." And I had decided last night that I would just have to keep walking out in faith. Though canceling everything for this term may have been tempting for the sake of getting more time to figure out the funding, I knew I was following God and that He would make a way for me somehow. The only thing I could do was continue doing what I have been doing: preparing for school on Monday. So I came here today to write my test and move some of my things.

After writing down that prayer last night, I decided to read a Psalm. I was thinking that I needed to praise for the sake of my heart. I didn't want to continue in the mood I have been in. I didn't want to be anxious or angry.

I flipped open to Psalm 138 and decided to read it because I had a lot of it highlighted as praise verses. Psalm 138:

I will praise you, O LORD, with all my heart;
before the “gods” I will sing your praise.
² I will bow down toward your holy temple
and will praise your name
for your love and your faithfulness,
for you have exalted above all things
your name and your word.
³ When I called, you answered me;
you made me bold and stouthearted.

⁴ May all the kings of the earth praise you, O LORD,
when they hear the words of your mouth.
⁵ May they sing of the ways of the LORD,
for the glory of the LORD is great.

⁶ Though the LORD is on high, he looks upon the lowly,
but the proud he knows from afar.
⁷ Though I walk in the midst of trouble,
you preserve my life;
you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes,
with your right hand you save me.
⁸ The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me;
your love, O LORD, endures forever—
do not abandon the works of your hands.

I cried and cried. I felt like these were the exact words I needed to pray. "Though the Lord is on high, he looks upon" me. He preserves my life in the midst of trouble. And especially,

"The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me."

My purpose is here. In school again. Training for a new career.

Then just moments ago I got a call from a woman about my funding application. I have been accepted! The paperwork should be finished tomorrow and then I'm set!

God has brought me a miracle!

And then the icing on the cake is that just after getting off the phone, I heard "I'll Fly Away" playing over the speakers here in Starbucks. It was the version from "O, Brother Where Art Thou?" That is one of my most favourite hymns of all time. It was like a little extra hug from God.

I am so blessed.