This morning I went to church as I usually like to do on Sunday mornings. Still had all this stuff with my blow-out with my friend on my mind. Still do now. Still trying to cognitive behaviour therapize myself around it.
The pastor at my church spoke from Romans 8 today. Romans has got to be one of my favourite books of the Bible and Romans 8 definitely one of my favourite chapters. I had a few light bulb moments today and they honestly seem kind of stupid right now in their obviousness.
First I need to back up a bit to Romans 7, specifically Romans 7:24. "What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?" This is the way I think. This is the root of my turmoil. Anytime anything goes awry, I start hating myself and it complicates all my thoughts about the actual situation.
Who will rescue me? "Thanks be to God -- through Jesus Christ our Lord!"(Romans 7:25)
"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death."(Romans 8:1)
I mess up. A lot. But my extraneous guilt and thoughts such as "I suck," "I'm a loser," "I'm despicable" are condemnations that are inappropriate and only keep me down, keep me from having the victory and freedom Jesus has given me through His sacrifice.
These revelations really do clear my head up even if they do seem like an abstraction. I am at least feeling like I can speak about the problem without screaming, yelling and crying.
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